Wednesday, January 15, 2014

If I go crazy then will you still call me Superman?

My sister and I were emailing the other day about our shared suffering of FOMO, or Fear Of Missing Out. Erin expressed my feelings about this condition perfectly:
"I love people and I want to do all of the things but then I over commit and am super tired."
Yep, exactly.
It's like I am physically incapable of saying no. If I am invited to something and there's not another event already on the calendar, I automatically accept the invitation. It makes no difference if it's my only free day (or free hour) that entire week... I am unable to decline. Stewart is the same way. I think part of it can be attributed to FOMO, but another part to simply not wanting to hurt anyone's feelings. So we book, re-book, pre-book and overbook until our heads are spinning and we can't keep track of where we're supposed to be or what we're supposed to be doing. And I'm talking weeks, months, years in advance. It's exhausting.
For example...
Coming up in the next few weeks we have trips planned to White Pass, Port Townsend, Silver Star and Roseburg.
And in March there will be two baby showers and a trip to Vancouver (and let's throw our anniversary in there, too).
Spring will bring Stew's birthday and a wedding (oh, did I mention the multiple bachelor and bachelorette parties?)
Then two more weddings in July, another in September and another in October. No one else is allowed to get married this year.
Summer means lakehouse vacations, camping trips, and Hawaii!
Then the holidays will hit again in full force.
And these are just the pre-planned, MAIN events of 2014.
In between, we'll have football games, snowboarding, daily workouts, theater tickets, meals with friends, family parties, and yep, we both work full time.
Oh, and have I mentioned that we're HAVING A BABY?! That means doctor appointments, classes, registries, and countless projects. 
Okay, I need to stop, I'm having an anxiety attack.
And the worst part is that I feel constant pressure and guilt from people about how busy we are, and how we don't have enough time to spare. Whether it's purposeful or not, it just makes the entire situation more stressful. Everyone has advice on the things we should cut out, give up, clear off. But every one of these events and the people involved in them are important to us... how could we ever choose?
"I'm sorry, you just didn't make the cut this month... better luck next time!"
With an attitude like that I doubt we'd have many friends left before long.
But the point of this post is the article that Erin pointed me toward: Oprah's The Joy of Missing Out, which helped me gather my thoughts a little.
"FOMO is the social-media-fueled sense that you are missing everything good; that the world is teeming with super-cool events and parties and talks and lives you'll never be a part of. But blogger Anil Dash has weighed in with his counter-phenomenon: JOMO: Joy Of Missing Out. Basically, it's okay to miss out on the big things in favor of The Big Things, like time with your family, your friends, even yourself. In fact, carving out quiet time in our so-many-invitations-so-many-options world might just transform your life."
It's something to consider, anyway.
Stew and I definitely need to take more time for ourselves, and time for each other. And when Baby Boy arrives and is totally dependent on us for every living waking breathing moment, I think we actually might stop and re-prioritize. Because spending time with my son and our family will always be my ultimate, guilt-free priority, no matter what.
But we'll see how things shake out.
Do you suffer from FOMO?
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  1. I've found that the things I really want to do I make time for and the rest doesn't really matter. It can be hard to pick though!

  2. I used to suffer from FOMO but it's crazy.. one day I just stopped. It's like my whole world just stopped and my ways changed. It wasn't that something big happened in my life, other than meeting Rob and wanting to be with him (in the beginning), it's just that.. well, I guess I started feeling old. On Sundays when people were on the River, boating and having jello shots.. I'd rather hang by my Parent's pool and cook them dinner or maybe have my best friend over to our pool and cook us dinner. Maybe we just don't have as many friends as you do.. LOL

  3. I think this is definitely something a lot of us struggle with! Last year was a REALLY busy year for us, and I had a hard time saying no, too. I've gotten a lot better of it though... I know I'm a happier, healthier, more fun person to be around when I've had my down time, and that's more important than being at EVERY single thing.

  4. I love this post! It's hard bc it's almost like you have to narrow down to close friends n family but when u have a lot of close friends n a lot of family, how does it work??? Maybe group gatherings!? Lol everyone all at one time, hmmm sounds stressful... I think once baby boy gets here it will just kinda force you to miss out on some things but like you said you'll be enjoying the big things! Just remember that you guys are so lucky to have all these people and they love you even if you have to skip out! I miss you!!!

  5. YESSS I totally know what you mean by being cray busy... Sometimes I think I suffer from FOMO. But then I remember my bed and couch are so much more comfy than going out, haha.

  6. Hi Sarah
    Thanks again for nominating me for a Sunshine award. I have finally written my post and nominated some fellow bloggers. Hope you enjoy my answers. I hope all is well with you xxx

  7. I say if they are things you truly want to do, then keep saying yes. I feel like we are constantly flooded with articles that talk about learning to say no -- in fact, I've gotten so good at saying no that I've swung the opposite way: I need to say "yes" more!

  8. Are you really going to Hawaii this summer? Do you plan on taking the baby? I got married in Hawaii and love it there so I understand why you are going.

    1. Yes, we're going on a family trip in August... it was supposed to be in April but the pregnancy obviously changed that! We're taking Baby Boy and he'll only be about three months old so hopefully easy to travel with, and once we're there we'll have lots of help from family. So I'm really looking forward to it! I lived in Waikiki for a while in college but this time we're going to Maui and I'm very excited!

  9. I definitely have FOMO but I'm also an introvert. It's a HORRIBLE combination!

  10. I actually don't. I'm lazy. Haha. If I want to sit at home on my iPad, I do. I'm not so good at saying I just don't say anything at all. Or I'll say I'm sick. lol

  11. I don't suffer from FOMO whatsoever. I used to, but the older I got the less I cared. Don't get me wrong, I love spending time with my friends but I don't feel like I have to do every.single.thing. with them in order to maintain our friendship.
    I think YOU time is KEY!

  12. I read that Oprah article and it's totally me! I need to tone it down, and it looks like you do too! You're CRAZY busy!! Good luck! :)

  13. I used to be like thins until I had Breanna and then I realized, I cant please everyone and I have to put MY life and MY family first.

    Running around w a kid is hard, but with a baby its even harder, you have to pack diaper bag (FULL) make sure you have extra diapers, formulas, pacis, clothes and toys to keep them happy. And with a toddler is JUST as fun....snacks, juice, toys, books, games iPad blah

    hope things calm down for you soon!!!

  14. I can definitely relate to this! I struggle with deciding how to spend our time, there is just so much to do! I'm not really sure what the solution is, but I'm sure that balance is key. Just stick to the things that make you both, soon to be three, happy.

  15. Oh man, just reading all that exhausted me - I'm a total introvert so I need my alone time lol


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