Live & Learn -- What Not to Wear

Welcome to another edition of

Live & Learn Thursday!

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Today I'm kind of doing a combo Throwback Thursday post, highlighting some of the more tragic moments in my fashion history. Get ready for a giggle.

And please excuse the quality of all images... these are scans from photos that came out of boxes and old crappy photo albums in my den. Also, if I had time to get a hold of the albums at my mom's house... whoa, would you be in for a treat!

Ah yes... here I am in San Francisco on a trip vising my aunt when I was about seven. I think we're actually on a tour of Alcatraz Island. There are so many radical things about this outfit. Let's start at the bottom with my laceless black KEDS over white athletic socks. And although you can't tell in this photo, those jeans are actually dark purple, and I'm wearing some sort of pink clasping belt. Of course, its kind of hidden by the extremely amazing, electric colored FANNY PACK that I am rocking! And the pink Batman shirt? Who knows where it came from because I don't even remember being into Batman, but I obviously wore it loud and proud. My hair is accessorized by one of those thick puffy headbands that were so popular at the time, and then a magenta windbreaker tops the whole thing off. Stylin'.

Although I'm sure I could share a lot more '80s awesomeness with you, those photos are at my parent's house, so let's fast forward to about thirteen years old. Here I am in Port Townsend on vacation with my darling friend Brooke (remember our recent trip to Denver?) looking fabulous. Cut off, high-waisted jean shorts and what I remember calling "baby doll tees." Also, notice how my hair is pulled back using those little plastic barrettes that are made for infants. That phase lasted for about a year I think. Awesomesauce. 

And here I am at about fourteen. Apparently my style changed some between seventh and eighth grades. As awful as this baggy monstrosity is, honestly... think about it. Wouldn't you rather your daughter leave the house dressed like this (with all her bits covered up) instead of how teenage girls are dressing now, with their butts hanging out of teeny tiny shorts and their faces slathered with more makeup and self tanner than Kim Kardashian? Also, I am cracking up seeing all my posters of Andrew Keegan on my bedroom wall... Oh, how I loved that guy.

Aaaaaand... here's where my dad started to get annoyed. Really though, this is not a good look for anyone. Those were my absolute FAVORITE jeans when I was about fifteen, and I wore them to school most days. They were probably a size seven and I needed a size zero. But honestly, everyone was rockin' that "boxers showing underneath your pants" look, so I really didn't look that out of place, I swear! This was also during the epitome of my Calvin Klein phase -- I'm wearing a Calvin Klein Jeans t-shirt and I probably bathed in CK One before this photo was taken. Life was very serious for me at this point... can you tell by the expression on my face?

At least I look a little happier by this point (likely freshman year of high school), but as you can see I'm still hanging onto the baggy bottom, teeny tiny top look. Except now I'm wearing overalls (yee-haw!) and apparently the ugliest shade of dark red lipstick I could find. And I can't even look at my eyebrows without cringing... Somebody get that girl to a waxer ASAP! If you look closely you can also see that I'm wearing multiple rings on every single one of my fingers. Yet I have no earrings on... Odd.

About halfway through high school I decided baggy jeans were no longer attractive, and by the time freshman year of college rolled around, I had apparently decided that the tighter and higher, the better. Good grief!! Stewart calls this style of jeans "long butt" which I think is the same thing as "mom jeans." Why, oh why, didn't someone tell me that wearing skin tight jeans up to my belly button was not a good look? Especially paired with teeny tiny tops that didn't even cover my midriff. Eyeyeye.

So there you have it... just a few "What Not to Wear" moments from the first couple decades of my life. I'd like to say that things have improved since then, but to be honest I'll probably look back at photos of myself now in about 20 years and cringe just as much as I am right now.

Live & Learn, people.