Wednesday, April 16, 2014

I Confess... I'm Over It

You might think that I'm the picture of a happy, glowing, pregnant woman, but it's all smoke and mirrors. Last night I was up almost every hour with heartburn, congestion, hip pain, hot flashes, and the urge to just save myself the trip and pee in our bed.
Although it seems like an eternity, I only have about three weeks to go. So let's look on the bright side and review the reasons why I cannot wait to get this baby out of my body...
I haven't been able to breathe properly in nine months: Pregnancy gives a whole new meaning to the word congestion. And even though I've never done so in my entire life, I now snore like a drunken sailor, which I find extremely embarrassing.
I can't remember what my vagina looks like, I can't go more than an hour without rushing to the closest bathroom, and even then I still feel like I have to pee almost constantly. And since I can't see past my belly any more, every week when I go to the doctor and have to leave a urine sample I end up peeing all over my hand. Yuck.
I'm sick of feeling guilty about every medication that I put into my body, even if it's only the occasional Tylenol for an excruciating headache or Tums for unbearable heartburn. I just want to be able to feel better without worrying that I'll cause my child to grow a tail.
I want my energy and mobility back. My appearance and the fact that I've gained 30 pounds doesn't bother me so much, but I hate that walking just a few blocks causes panting, a cramp in my side, and aching feet. I dream of exercising, something that I generally loathe...
I miss my regular clothes, especially my shoes. In the beginning I thought I put together a pretty cute maternity wardrobe; now I want to light it on fire. Sometimes I sit in my closet and stare dreamily at my size six stilettos before resentfully shoving my swollen feet into size eight orthopedic flats.  
My boobs are way too big. I never thought I would say it, but these things are getting downright pornographic. I really took for granted those years in my early twenties when I would wear pasties at the beach. Because these huge knockers that rest on my giant belly and are too painful for my husband to touch are not any fun at all.
All my extra time is taken up by sleep. I'm a very busy person, and I have things to do. Work full time, read, blog, work out, organize, socialize. Meetings, errands, events; I could do it all in a single evening. But now my energy is zapped to the point where sleep consumes me in a matter of minutes if I dare to slow down, rest, or god forbid shut my eyes for just a moment. And I think we have about 10 weeks of our favorite television shows backed up on our DVR because I have to watch them in ten minute intervals.
I could use a drink. Or five. And I'm so desperate for a sushi roll that I dream about them...
But most importantly, I cannot wait to meet our son. I'm dying to see what he looks like. I feel like he's going to be chubby with lots of dark hair, but one never knows... I might be carrying a ginger devil child! Anything is possible...
So those are my Humpday Confessions: I'm over being pregnant and I don't care who knows it.
The countdown is on...
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  1. girrrrrrrlll! every pregnant woman is over their pregnancy by the 8th month. i know i was and i was a cranky bitch for that month. for those 4 weeks, i willed my baby to fall out of my vagina!

    thanks for linking up!

    Vodka and Soda

  2. These confessions are why I fear pregnancy haha. But I know it'll of course be worth it in the end! No sushi or wine for nine months? I already wished Josh good luck when our time comes to start a fam. Haha. It would be so nice if a child just developed in like...half that time...that would be nice right? But in the meantime, I'll send big virtual hugs your way for going through so much for your future mommy status :D.

  3. We all get like this towards the end. I was drying for a glass of wine..did okay the first 8 months but when I hit 9 months I wanted nothing more then to have her OUT. Not long now mama! But I'm not going to lie to you, those last few weeks are the looooongest.

  4. Bahahaha 'I can't see my vagina' just made my morning! It's totally okay to have all of these complaints, and I hope the next three weeks fly by so you can meet your little nugget! He's going to be perfect and I'm sure he won't have a tail. Although, personally, I think that would be cool ;)

  5. You are ALMOST THERE! Wishing you a restful mind during these last few weeks -- may they go by quickly for you.


  6. LOL- well you've still got your sense of humor, because this made me laugh ;) BUT, I'm cheering you on, friend! You are so close and it'll all be worth it (are those cliche enough phrases for you???) HUGS!!!

  7. LMFAO! This the best, most honest, real and raw pregnancy post I have ever read and I cannot tell you how much I love you for it. I was pregnant lost year, but lost my baby at 7 weeks, but I have to tell you, the boob pain was out of this world. I know if I ever have kids, I will be right there with you girl. Hope the rest of your time goes by hella quickly.

  8. You know, before too long you'll look back fondly at this time... So I'm told! I hope the next few weeks pass quickly so you can have your baby in your arms.

  9. I can relate on so many levels :). I'm still stuffy. And isn't so ironic that when you buy maternity clothes, you're like "wow, this is so cute, I could totally keep wearing it after I'm pregnant" but then you don't realize by the time you are 9-months into it, you want to "light them on fire" as you say :). That was an awesome line. Can't wait to see you chasing a kid around in size 6 stilettos! And yesssss about the boobs. I'm a teeny girl and it felt SO weird having size A boobs (ROFL).

  10. Oh man I can only imagine at this point you are just READY for it to be done! Hope these next few weeks are restful and go quickly! :)

  11. 3 weeks to go girl and that's not far. It'll be here soon. Maybe he'll come on his own and just come early. Who knows. Oh gosh....I deal with indigestion and peeing all the time and I'm not even pregnant so I can imagine what it's gonna be like when that day comes in the future.

    Just letting you know I'm following you. Would to have you come check me out and hopefully follow me back

  12. Hey Sarah!! Good luck with everything and feel better my dear! :) XO


  13. This made me LOL several times, but I AM sorry for your pain, believe me I know the feeling! ;) And 30 pounds is amazing!! I gained 42!!

    1. oh! AND Abraham was a WEEK late!! aah!!!

  14. You're not alone... I have a girlfriend who haaaaaated EVERY part of being pregnant from beginning to end!

  15. Friend, I know exactly how you are feeling. I did not enjoy pregnancy with any of my three. Some people say they love it, I loathed it. The last few weeks are definitely the hardest but your coming down the home stretch. Hang in there!!!

  16. Ohhh sushi is one thing I would definitely miss- that and deli meat!

  17. Every pregnant woman goes through this, I promise you're not alone!! You can do it!

  18. I can honestly say I have never heard a pregnant woman feel happy this close to her due date , so it sounds like you're perfectly normal.

    Also, "I just want to feel better without worrying that I'll cause my child to grow a tail." made me LOL!

  19. I love your honesty - most people are all "being pregnant is wonderful" but I can see how losing mobility and not being able to wear your nice shoes would get so old, so fast.


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