Oh my goodness, Jenni, you don't even know what a huge can of worms that you just opened up. I don't usually use this blog as a place to rant and rave, but in this specific instance I'll make an exception for the challenge.
Why are people so rude about RSVPing?!
Apparently, people in the Pacific Northwest are famously reluctant committers. We are socially passive-aggressive, superficial, and accommodating. And when it comes to RSVPs, we live in a world where no = no, maybe = no, and yes = maybe.
My good friend Heather and I talk about this all the time. Technically, RSVP means répondez s’il vous plaît. Or, Really: Send Verdict Pronto. Whether you're coming or not! Unfortunately, it seems like most people are unaware of, or unconcerned with, this fact. Rude.
In the modern world, we have technology that allows for more spontaneity in our lives. Social media shows us everyone else's plans before we have to solidify our own, and we don't necessarily have to commit far in advance to fill our social calendars.
Perhaps the days of the formal RSVP are dying. But pushing "reply" or filling out a response card can't honestly take more than about two minutes. So really, if I don't hear from you, you're obviously just waiting to see if something better comes up. Rude.
Here's the deal... if I send you an Evite, I can see whether or not you have viewed it, and when. Could you please (honestly) just let me know if you plan to attend my event? Apparently not. Maybe you're waiting on another, better offer. Maybe you're waiting to see if the "fun people" are coming. Maybe you're waiting to see if it's going to rain. Maybe you're just rude.
Come on guys! It's common knowledge that party hosts need to know how many guests to prepare for. I went to the grocery store with a head count. I spent my precious free time and hard earned money on yummy foods and beverages with you, specifically, in mind. I spent hours prepping and preparing delicious treats, decorations, and entertainment for you.
Was it always your plan to text me the day of the party and say that something came up? At least have the courtesy to invent a believable excuse, then. Or were you just planning to quietly no-show and assume I wouldn't notice? Rude.
Sometimes, if I would have realized how many people were going to skip my party, I could have skipped it, too. But instead, you all said yes, or maybe, but then found something better to do and left me with a mountain of uneaten cupcakes, brie cheese, and caprese skewers. I'm going to look pretty pathetic when I put them in the lunch room at my office on Monday. I guess I'll just drown my sorrows in the bottles of wine you didn't show up to drink.
And let's just take a moment to mention the poor brides, who come justifiably unhinged about wedding RSVPs. Do you people realize that wedding receptions can run upwards of $150 per person? The happy couple pre-paid that cost for you. So is it really any surprise that friendships are often shattered when guests no-show on this extremely special and important day? Super rude.
Phew. Deep breath, Sarah. I need to get down off this soapbox before my head explodes.
But honestly, if I send you an invitation to something, I genuinely want you to be there and consider you an important person in my life. So please, be courteous enough to let me know if you can't attend (or don't care to). It's just the decent thing to do.
Thanks for listening.
Another post I'm nodding along to. I just finished organising an event to thank volunteers at our radio station. I invited 250 volunteers via email. We had posters of the invite all over the radio station with the RSVP details. Then we sent a reminder email. Then the department heads sent an encouraging email. Then I asked people face to face. Then I started calling people. For all that effort, we got just over half the people respond, 109 people say they'd attend, and 85 actually showed up. I feel your pain.
ReplyDeleteIsn't that the worst?! I've had to call every person on huge guest lists for work events before because no one RSVPd... super awkward. I hope your event was fun with the people who actually showed!
DeleteI just laughed and agreed with this. People can be so rude! If you're not coming to an event just let me know. Okay, thanks :)
ReplyDeleteHere, people will say yes they are going and then on the day itself, they won't show. Or , they say they wont attend and then on the day of the event, they show up with additional uninvited guests!
ReplyDeleteergh! What is it about seattle being so slack about RSVP's! For my wedding I literally received 10 RSVPS! I had to call my whole guest list to confirm, which is not ok!
ReplyDeleteOh my goodness...this is definitely one of my biggest pet peeves!! And I love how you described people in the PNW. ;)
ReplyDeleteUmmmmm... Lets talk about how some people who said they were coming to my wedding, didn't. While other people showed up so said they weren't coming and said- oh I ended up getting the day off.. And then others even brought people who WEREN'T invited. Honestly I loved my wedding and thought it was perfect and the most gorgeous wedding ever but it ticked me off. I just ignored it and was happy..
ReplyDeletePeople just don't know about social etiquette or they don't care. Maybe a mix.
Oh and not only did we pay for all their food and cake and alcohol before hand according to the RSVP.. My mom made homemade favors that were amazing with everyone's name on it and the seating chart and and and... People don't get it
DeleteI completely agree! You've hit the nail on the head with this one. I am a freak for committing to things. If I said yes I will be there. Even if I've overbooked myself and by the time I get there I need to leave I will be there. I think we need to be accountable to our commitments. If not, at least have the courtesy to notify in advance and please, please don't make me have to call you just to find out you've decided to stand me up. Grr. If I RSVP'd to your party you can bet I'd be there.
ReplyDeleteI'm the same way! If I say I'm going to do something, I'll basically be on my death bed rather than not go. Even when I was in the hospital fighting through kidney stones, I was still trying to figure out how to not miss a ski trip I had committed to that weekend. I totally hate to bail on people! It's nice to know I'm not the only one who feels this way. :-)
DeleteThis is actually one reason why we eloped instead of having a wedding (and I mean no offense to you for having a wedding). I can't stand those people who don't respond. They feel obligated to be at your celebration, IF they decide it is convenient for them. They seem to think that you have nothing better to do than wait around and see if they grace your event with their presence.
ReplyDeleteI love this blog post! Not only becasue I totally agree with you about how you just know some people do not respond just to see who else comes along, but also because I love the very small writing! Made me smile!
ReplyDeleteThanks for your comment on my rant ...
♡ Molly
Thanks Molly! Man, it kind of got my blood boiling to even write it, LOL. Glad I could make you smile today. :-)
DeleteI realize I'm opening up ANOTHER can of worms by saying this, as people without children are NEVER allowed to comment on the actions of the child-having, but I actually know people who say "I'll just use my kid as an excuse". And you can't SAY ANYTHING to that! "Oh, Susie has the sniffles" or "My husband had to work late and so I'm stuck home with the kid." I realize that these things DO happen and of course you can't leave a child unattended. But I also know that it makes for a pretty convenient excuse...I've actually been told that it does! So when people use it as an excuse for me, my first instinct is not to believe them!
ReplyDeleteYour next post should be about all the things you are not allowed to comment on as a non-parent without getting your head completely ripped off. :)
As a planner of continuing education courses, I smiled and nodded while reading this post (except luckily our participants pre-pay which provides them a little extra incentive to actually show up). I'll always remember hunting down RSVPs the day and night before for a big fundraising event I worked on at a previous job -- not fun phone calls to make. In today's world of push-button rsvps and text-messaging, how hard is it to type out a one-sentence reply, right?! See...now you've got me fired up about it. :)
ReplyDelete(Side note: if you want a timely RSVP from us, you've got to send stuff to me, not my hubs. Pretty sure he never replies to any non-work related emails. I sincerely apologize on his behalf!)
Sort of glad I'm not participating in this daily challenge...my personal list of rants would be long and extremely bitchy.
Hi Sarah!
ReplyDeleteI try to keep my blog a positive space too, but this is a really good use of the rant as part of the challenge. When we were planning our wedding, I was shocked at how many people did not reply with a RSVP either way. And we made it so simple: website, reply card, etc. Heck, people could have e-mailed me or FB messaged me. We were trying to finalize seating arrangements, name cards, programs and favors all while watching the dreaded budget. I was so surprised at how many people just didn't let us know. Frustration!
XO,
Belinda
Found Love. Now What?
Hi Belinda! Thanks... I struggled with what topic to pick today but it seems like this one was fairly well-received. We also ended up having to contact quite a few people on our guest list for RSVPs because we never heard back... and we even included an easy, check box, pre-stamped, return post card with the invitation! But an email, text, or phone call would have worked, too, we were totally flexible! I do think that perhaps people who have not planned a wedding before don't understand how important it is to RSVP... but the other, smaller events are important too, IMHO!
DeleteTotally agree! I've come to the point that I don't even want to plan things bc who knows who will come, and it's a lot of money to spend if only a few people show up! It's not just the pnw, the south is worse! No one keeps plans & everyone's late!!
ReplyDeleteAmen sister! A couple months back I threw my best friend a baby shower-- she was NOT ready for the baby, had nothing, and really needed help. I ordered the most precious invites and even created a facebook event. There was an incredible buzz about the baby shower! I sat up late night after night making homemade decorations because I couldn't come anymore out of pocket. The day of the shower half the people "got called into work, their car wouldn't start, thought it was next Sunday." Come on-- you all knew the story and what *I* was doing to get everything together, and on a budget. RUUUUUUUUDENESS!
ReplyDeleteugottahavehart.blogspot.com