Monday, October 20, 2014

Crying Over Spilled Milk

Well, this weekend sucked.

This is what 56 ounces of ruined breast milk looks like, in case you were wondering.

Yes, it's true...

Although I may begin sobbing again as I write this post, I feel it's necessary to admit that Stewart and I managed to spoil 14 bags of frozen breast milk this weekend.

It was an accident.

It wasn't anyone's fault, really.

Worse things have probably happened.

But as I stood there, staring tragically at the destroyed remains of what represented so much time, energy, stress, and guilt, I felt like my heart would literally break. I had turned my son's life-giving nectar into poison.

Whoever said "don't cry over spilled milk" was an asshole (and obviously male).

On Friday night I nursed, rocked, and tucked my sweet little baby boy into bed. Then I decided to do some cleaning and reorganizing. I had a ton of breast milk in the fridge that I needed to store for future use, but my freezer had become jam-packed with frozen breast milk surplus bags, so I decided to move some into the freezer in the garage. After measuring, pouring, sealing, labeling, and rotating, I ended up transferring about a quarter of my milk stash into the garage freezer.

And after such a thorough inventory of the elixir of life that I had stockpiled for my son, I went to bed feeling quite pleased with myself...

Then on Saturday evening I even managed to come home with groceries for the week. (Insert Perfect Wife & Mother award here). I asked Stew to put some of them away, and he obeyed promptly.

His horrified exclamation came early the next morning...

During the night, something in the freezer had shifted, popping the door open a few inches. Just enough to thaw and destroy everything in there, including all of my boobie juice.

Of course there was nothing I could do except crumple to the ground, curled desperately around my little angel baby, and sob.

I still feel shell shocked.

And poor Stew; he felt absolutely terrible.

No, this doesn't mean that Ryder will starve (I pump more than enough milk for him every day and always have extra). And no, I won't have to supplement with formula (I've got at least double the amount of milk that I ruined still stashed safety away in our other freezer).

But the tragedy of all that time and effort having gone to waste... The irreplaceable nature of breast milk... All those hours spent sequestered away in the supply closet at work... Carefully measuring, pouring, sealing, transporting... My mind boggles.

And I'm crying big, fat tears over all that spilled milk.

And let's see what else... 

Due to a series of unfortunate events, it took us two and a half hours to drive 18 miles on Saturday afternoon. #roadrage

I scraped the crap out of one of the wheels on my new car. #moretears

These encouraging blog stats greeted me on Sunday morning. #geethanksguys

Oh, and the Seahawks lost. #profanities


I respectfully ask the universe for the opportunity to repeat last weekend, with better all-around results.


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  1. Oh my heart! I feel for you girl. I know how hard you worked for that! I hope the rest of your week starts looking up xo

  2. What a sucky weekend for you! I can understand why you'd be so upset, I would too. But at least it all happened in one weekend - which means your next few weekends are destined to be awesome right?!

  3. Been reading and following your blog, and shared your post about taking Ryder to the Seahawks game with some friends saying how awesome I think that was. You seem like you are doing an awesome job with motherhood and you inspire me for the kind of mom and wife I want to be someday. I'm sorry you had a shitty week and that as a blogger-community-friend, I haven't been commenting more. Been thinking of you and sending positive vibes your way for a better week ahead!!

    1. Thank you so much for your sweet comment! I'm definitely not a perfect mom, but I'm doing the best that I can and I'm honored that my actions would inspire you! Being a new mom, combined with a lot of family stuff, has made the past six months incredibly difficult in a lot of ways, but Ryder absolutely makes everything worth it in the end! :-) I hope you have a good week as well!

  4. Augh!!!! Oh no!!!! I'm SO sorry! I'm sure that is just absolutely beyond heartbreaking!

  5. Oh no!! :( I'm sorry you had a lousy weekend! I hope your week is going better!

  6. Ugh, that sucks so bad! So bad! I'd cry if I spilled half an ounce when I was taking the breast cups off at the end of a session. I can't even imagine that many bags gone bad. You poor dear! But like you said, you've got plenty stored up and I wish I had your fortune when producing milk. I had to stop after 6 weeks :(. I really hope you have a better weekend this one coming up.

  7. I am so sorry this happened to you. I have cried over one bottle of spilled milk so you are totally justified in feeling the way that you do. Hoping your week goes better friend!

  8. OH NO!!!!!! That is the WORST feeling. :( I'm so sorry! I was reorganizing mine one time and ALMOST forgot to put a box of milk back in the freezer. I somehow noticed it as I was turning the kitchen light off to go to bed... thank goodness!


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