Pumping and Working — My Secrets

I was invited by The Honest Company to participate in their Feeding Stories Campaign. Conveniently, this coincided almost exactly with my return to work following the birth of my second child, which for me also meant a return to the dreaded task of breast pumping. Therefore, it seemed like a great time to revisit my tips and tricks for pumping at work. 

This post originally appeared on Life As Always in October 2014. Check out other parent's stories here.

*****

You've heard it, you get it.

BREAST MILK ROCKS

No chemical composition can ever replicate what we lucky women can make ourselves, for free.

It's nature's perfect elixir, and it comes in a conveniently portable milk delivery system.

But let's face it -- As much as we working moms who choose to breastfeed love to provide our hungry little nurslings with nourishing milk, PUMPING AT WORK SUCKS — literally.

I've made a commitment to provide my son with breast milk for his first year, which means milking myself like Bessie the dairy cow has become a part of my daily work routine. Unfortunately, some people seem bothered by the fact that breasts produce milk to nourish human life, and co-workers can be put off by accidentally using breast milk as coffee creamer (no matter how thoroughly you explain the nutritional value and immunity boosting properties). Plus, accidentally catching a glimpse of exposed lady bits being suckled by the equivalent of a mechanical infant tends to make them slightly uncomfortable.

So when I returned to work I was on a mission to become a stealth pumper, and I'm here today to share my best tips and tricks.

// privacy //

First and foremost, make sure you have a private place to pump. Under the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act, employers are required to provide "a place, other than a bathroom, that is shielded from view and free from intrusion from coworkers and the public, which may be used by an employee to express breast milk." They are also required to provide "reasonable break time for an employee to express breast milk for her nursing child for 1 year after the child's birth at each time such employee has need to express the milk."

I don't know about you, but there are few times when I feel more vulnerable than when my nipples are being sucked in and out of transparent plastic cones. Fortunately, my extremely supportive workplace makes this abandoned supply closet in a vacant office space available for working moms, but since the door doesn't lock I made myself a sign, just in case.

// preparation //

Organization is key, so get yourself prepared! My day starts at home, where I have already spent the evening before cleaning, sterilizing, drying, and packing up everything needed for the next day.

Most of the supplies will be left at home, or go with my son to the babysitter.

Four of the bottles and lids go into a little cooler pack, which I pack up and take with me to work.

// supplies //

Every three hours, I attach suction devices to my nipples while milk spurts into bottles attached to my engorged breasts to the tune of Wee-WAH... Wee-WAH... Wee-WAH. In the beginning, this caused me a fair amount of anxiety. But once I got used to the routine of it all, I've actually begun to enjoy these little breaks, and make the most of the time while I'm milking myself like a dairy cow.

Make sure you are provided with a comfortable location in which to pump. You'll need a comfy chair and access to an electrical outlet. I suggest getting a double pump so you can do both breasts at once to save time. I have the Medela Pump In Style Advanced Backpack. It comes with a little cooler bag and contoured ice pack that is perfect for holding five ounce bottles.

When my pre-programmed Outlook reminder pops up on my computer screen, I head across the hall and get settled. After I hook myself up to my medieval torture device breast pump, I enjoy a cup of coffee, a book, and often browse social media to pass the time. With a little practice, I've perfected the ability to hold both pump apparatuses with one arm while checking Facebook or reading the latest and greatest parenting book.

Hydration is a key aspect to breast milk production, so as soon as I'm done pumping I always make sure to quickly drink an entire glass of water so I don't forget.

// storage //

Of course, you will need a place to keep the milk that you pump. According to La Leche League International, fresh human milk can be stored at room temperature for up to six hours. Here is my strategy for storing my milk throughout the day:

The first time I pump, I simply place the bottles into the insulated part of my backpack and zip it back up, so that the bottles are covered and kept as cool as possible. I just leave the breast shields on the bottles so that they are ready three hours later when I come back for my second session. At that point, I just re-attach the tubing and pump into those same bottles.

After the second session, the bottles are full, so I transfer them into my little cooler and carry them back across the hall, where I pop the whole thing into a mini fridge located conveniently around the corner from my desk.

For some reason, actually seeing my hard earned boobie juice seems to bother most people, so disguising the bottles in a cooler that is placed in a rarely-used mini fridge is what works for me.

// cleaning //

You'll need a place to wash and sterilize your pump parts. After I complete each pumping session, I rinse out the breast shields, valves and membranes under hot water in a sink that's located right outside my pumping room. I don't feel the need to wash and sterilize my parts every single time I pump — that would be far too time consuming.

When I'm done with my third and final pumping session of the day, I take all of my supplies back over to my office. In our main break room / kitchen, I use a paper towel and dish soap to wash out my pump parts and sterilize them using a Medela Quick Clean Micro-Steaming bag. These things are the BEST! I use them every single day both at home and at work.



It takes a minute and thirty anxiety-ridden seconds in the microwave, during which I pray that no one enters the kitchen and inquires as to why I'm cooking a plastic bag (because then I have to explain that I'm cleaning parts that were recently attached to my naked bosom, and we both awkwardly wish for a time machine to go back to the moment before we began talking about my breasts).



After everything is cleaned and sterilized, I place all the parts on clean paper towels in the top part of my pump's backpack, and along with the steamer bag I put everything underneath my desk to dry overnight.

Another day of pumping in the books.



// transport //

Each day I collect anywhere between 16 and 20 ounces of breast milk. When five o'clock rolls around, I just grab my little cooler of liquid gold out of the mini fridge, pop it into my bag, and head home to my hungry little boy. And I definitely experience a smug feeling of satisfaction, knowing that I've been able to work a full day away from home while still providing my son with breast milk that will help turn him into the healthiest version of himself.

When I get home, I still have some work to do. I divide the bottles evenly into four ounce portions, label each one, and put them in the refrigerator. I always pump more than enough milk in one day to cover my son's meals for the next day while I'm at work (usually more).

// schedule //

After a week or two of trial and error, here is the schedule that ended up working for me:

• 7:00 — Nurse baby and leave for work
• 8:00 — Arrive at work, get settled in, drink water/coffee and eat breakfast
• 9:00 — First pumping session, followed by water and a snack
• 12:00 — Second pumping session, followed by water and lunch
• 3:00 — Third pumping session, followed by water and a snack
• 3:30 — Clean and sterilize pump parts for the next day
• 5:00 — Grab cooler of milk and head home
• 6:00 — Arrive home and nurse baby
• 7:30 — Nurse baby and put him down for bed

At this point (five months) my son is still waking up every two to three hours throughout the night to nurse. This could be attributed to growth spurts, or adjusting to eating bottles during the day instead of nursing; we're not sure. He typically eats three 4-ounce bottles while I'm at work, and since I make more than he can consume I've also acquired a pretty impressive freezer stash of frozen breast milk, which is available for emergencies.

Pumping at work is a real pain in the nipples.

I'm not denying it. But realistically, it's just a mildly uncomfortable thing that I'm happy to endure for the good of my child. It's a transitory part of life, and eventually mys son will outgrow his need for breast milk. At which point I will probably curse the day I ever complained, because the pain of knowing that my sweet baby can actually survive without me will cause my soul to ache.

But for now, the look on his angelic little face as he gulps down what only I can provide him reassures me that I'm doing the best I can as a working Momma.

Onward and Upward

I start a brand new job tomorrow.

I don't talk much about work around these parts, but this is such a significant life event that it would feel weird not to mention it.

I have been working for a real estate development company in a downtown Seattle high rise for the past seven and a half years. It has been an amazing experience, during which I've learned and grown so much, and met some incredible people who have become life long friends.

Sadly, since returning to work after my maternity leave, the mommy guilt has really started to set in. I tried to ignore it, and for a while reducing my hours and working from home one morning a week was enough to make the situation manageable. But, during the past six months, my commute has become a complete time suck. When we first moved to Snoqualmie, it only took me about 40 minutes to get into the city each day. Now, it takes over an hour, sometimes almost two. That's two and a half hours a day that are wasted -- time that I could be spending with my family. 

Enough was enough.

I have been fortunate to find a new position, also in the real estate development industry, with a company located just a mile down the road from our house. Obviously this was an opportunity that I couldn't afford to turn down. 

My little boy is getting bigger every day, and I just can't stand to waste any time that causes me to miss even a minute of his amazing life. 

Life's too short. 

So today I said goodbye to my home away from home. 

So many life changes have happened to me here... We bought a condo, got engaged, got married, bought a house, had a baby. Really, I've become a different person than when I started.

And it's time to move on.

Although I'm very excited about my new position, I will miss everyone at my old company so much. It was an honor and a privilege to work with them, and I hope that we are able to keep in touch.

Until then...

Mommy Guilt

By lunch time on any given day, I've probably already felt guilty at least 20 times.

Because when I heard Ryder on the monitor at 5 a.m., I let him fuss for a few extra minutes so I could snooze. And when I stepped out of the shower, I looked my stretch marks with pangs of shame and regret, instead of seeing badges of love and courage. And because I put Ryder in a bouncy chair while I applied makeup and did my hair, instead of spending quality time with him.

The guilt I feel when I hand Ryder over to someone else as I leave for work (even if it's Daddy), almost kills me. I stare into his beautiful blue eyes and my heart breaks a little, every single morning.

At the office, I feel guilty because I'm always a few minutes late when I rush through the door in the morning. I'm ashamed because even though I've vowed to give up caffeine until we're done breast feeding, sometimes I have a cup of coffee (because otherwise I just can't take it). I feel guilty because when my boss talks to me, I'm only half listening, and half wondering what Ryder is doing at that moment. I feel guilty when I call home to check in, and my baby boy reaches for me through the miracle that is FaceTime, but I can't immediately give him a kiss on his sweet puffy cheek. And the guilt threatens to drown me when 5 seconds later I have to end the call early because a co-worker needs me urgently.

While I'm pumping at work, I feel guilty that I'm not at my desk doing my job. But I simultaneously feel guilty because I'm not at home, breastfeeding my son. I feel horrible because I didn't have time to pack a healthy lunch, and because we're probably going to end up eating frozen burritos for dinner again.

I feel absolutely terrible as I shamefully sneak out the back door at 4 p.m. each day, while the rest of my team continues working for another hour.

I feel shame over issues ranging from the type of diapers I use, to the fact that I don't make my own baby food. For the amount of time I spend with Ryder, and for leaving him with another caregiver.

I could go on and on...

Guilt is the one accessory no mother is ever without. We have been conditioned to think that we should be able to do everything because "we're the mom." And when we can't do everything, then there's something wrong with us.

We live in an "all-in" culture in general. If we choose to work, we're expected to be the most dedicated employee and to give a hundred percent of ourselves to our jobs. If we choose to stay at home, then we're expected to be super-moms (or super-dads) who give a hundred percent of ourselves to our children. But it's unrealistic for someone to spend a hundred percent of his or her potential on any one activity.
 

It also seems that guilt is primed into our generation of parents. Many women claim that their biggest guilt factor is leaving children at home in order to work. And with the common trend of working longer hours, guilt seems to be an inescapable side effect — for both men and women.

Working moms in particular often struggle with intense guilt, especially when they first go back. When I returned to my job (which I love), I thought I'd feel happy and worthwhile. I didn't expect those feelings to be so tempered by guilt. I also feel guilty because I want to work. My heart breaks when I leave Ryder each morning — but I find many aspects of motherhood to be incredibly tedious, so I also feel relieved to have some time away.

Honestly, I think you can love your child and still have that "Thank God It's Monday" feeling. Especially after a long and dreary winter weekend. And not loving your stretch marks is perfectly normal, and doesn't call your parenting (or love for your child) into question. Neither does eating cereal for dinner.

I love my son more than anything in the world, and if I had to, I would give up anything for him. But would I be doing him any favors by giving up who I am? By ceasing to exist as an individual with an identity unrelated to my mommy one, how can I give my son an example to look up to, admire, and emulate?

So each and every day, I try to come to terms with my guilt. Because I don't want it to take the enjoyment out of my life with Ryder. I remind myself that my work serves a crucial purpose, and that I'm doing what's best for my family.

After all, the best thing you can do for your baby is to be a happy mom.
 

Pumping and Working -- My Secrets

You've heard it, you get it.

BREAST MILK ROCKS

No chemical composition can ever replicate what we lucky women can make ourselves, for free.

It's nature's perfect elixir, and it comes in a conveniently portable milk delivery system.

But let's face it -- As much as we working moms who choose to breastfeed love to provide our hungry little nurslings with nourishing milk, PUMPING AT WORK SUCKS -- literally.

I've made a commitment to provide my son with breast milk for his first year, which means milking myself like Bessie the dairy cow has become a part of my daily work routine. Unfortunately, some people seem bothered by the fact that breasts produce milk to nourish human life, and co-workers can be put off by accidentally using breast milk as coffee creamer (no matter how thoroughly you explain the nutritional value and immunity boosting properties). Plus, accidentally catching a glimpse of exposed lady bits being suckled by the equivalent of a mechanical infant tends to make them slightly uncomfortable.

So when I returned to work I was on a mission to become a stealth pumper, and I'm here today to share my best tips and tricks.

// privacy //

First and foremost, make sure you have a private place to pump. Under the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act, employers are required to provide "a place, other than a bathroom, that is shielded from view and free from intrusion from coworkers and the public, which may be used by an employee to express breast milk." They are also required to provide "reasonable break time for an employee to express breast milk for her nursing child for 1 year after the child's birth at each time such employee has need to express the milk."

I don't know about you, but there are few times when I feel more vulnerable than when my nipples are being sucked in and out of transparent plastic cones. Fortunately, my extremely supportive workplace makes this abandoned supply closet in a vacant office space available for working moms, but since the door doesn't lock I made myself a sign, just in case.

// preparation //

Organization is key, so get yourself prepared! My day starts at home, where I have already spent the evening before cleaning, sterilizing, drying, and packing up everything needed for the next day.

Most of the supplies will be left at home, or go with my son to the babysitter.

Four of the bottles and lids go into a little cooler pack, which I pack up and take with me to work.

// supplies //

Every three hours, I attach suction devices to my nipples while milk spurts into bottles attached to my engorged breasts to the tune of Wee-WAH... Wee-WAH... Wee-WAH. In the beginning, this caused me a fair amount of anxiety. But once I got used to the routine of it all, I've actually begun to enjoy these little breaks, and make the most of the time while I'm milking myself like a dairy cow.

Make sure you are provided with a comfortable location in which to pump. You'll need a comfy chair and access to an electrical outlet. I suggest getting a double pump so you can do both breasts at once to save time. I have the Medela Pump In Style Advanced Backpack. It comes with a little cooler bag and contoured ice pack that is perfect for holding five ounce bottles.

When my pre-programmed Outlook reminder pops up on my computer screen, I head across the hall and get settled. After I hook myself up to my medieval torture device breast pump, I enjoy a cup of coffee, a book, and often browse social media to pass the time. With a little practice, I've perfected the ability to hold both pump apparatuses with one arm while checking Facebook or reading the latest and greatest parenting book.

Hydration is a key aspect to breast milk production, so as soon as I'm done pumping I always make sure to quickly drink an entire glass of water so I don't forget.

// storage //

Of course, you will need a place to keep the milk that you pump. According to La Leche League International, fresh human milk can be stored at room temperature for up to six hours. Here is my strategy for storing my milk throughout the day:

The first time I pump, I simply place the bottles into the insulated part of my backpack and zip it back up, so that the bottles are covered and kept as cool as possible. I just leave the breast shields on the bottles so that they are ready three hours later when I come back for my second session. At that point, I just re-attach the tubing and pump into those same bottles.

After the second session, the bottles are full, so I transfer them into my little cooler and carry them back across the hall, where I pop the whole thing into a mini fridge located conveniently around the corner from my desk.

For some reason, actually seeing my hard earned boobie juice seems to bother most people, so disguising the bottles in a cooler that is placed in a rarely-used mini fridge is what works for me.

// cleaning //

You'll need a place to wash and sterilize your pump parts. After I complete each pumping session, I rinse out the breast shields, valves and membranes under hot water in a sink that's located right outside my pumping room. I don't feel the need to wash and sterilize my parts every single time I pump -- that would be far too time consuming.

When I'm done with my third and final pumping session of the day, I take all of my supplies back over to my office. In our main break room / kitchen, I use a paper towel and dish soap to wash out my pump parts and sterilize them using a Medela Quick Clean Micro-Steaming bag. These things are the BEST! I use them every single day both at home and at work.



It takes a minute and thirty anxiety-ridden seconds in the microwave, during which I pray that no one enters the kitchen and inquires as to why I'm cooking a plastic bag (because then I have to explain that I'm cleaning parts that were recently attached to my naked bosom, and we both awkwardly wish for a time machine to go back to the moment before we began talking about my breasts).



After everything is cleaned and sterilized, I place all the parts on clean paper towels in the top part of my pump's backpack, and along with the steamer bag I put everything underneath my desk to dry overnight.

Another day of pumping in the books.



// transport //

Each day I collect anywhere between 16 and 20 ounces of breast milk. When five o'clock rolls around, I just grab my little cooler of liquid gold out of the mini fridge, pop it into my bag, and head home to my hungry little boy. And I definitely experience a smug feeling of satisfaction, knowing that I've been able to work a full day away from home while still providing my son with breast milk that will help turn him into the healthiest version of himself.

When I get home, I still have some work to do. I divide the bottles evenly into four ounce portions, label each one, and put them in the refrigerator. I always pump more than enough milk in one day to cover my son's meals for the next day while I'm at work (usually more).

// schedule //

After a week or two of trial and error, here is the schedule that ended up working for me:

• 7:00 — Nurse baby and leave for work
• 8:00 — Arrive at work, get settled in, drink water/coffee and eat breakfast
• 9:00 — First pumping session, followed by water and a snack
• 12:00 — Second pumping session, followed by water and lunch
• 3:00 — Third pumping session, followed by water and a snack
• 3:30 — Clean and sterilize pump parts for the next day
• 5:00 — Grab cooler of milk and head home
• 6:00 — Arrive home and nurse baby
• 7:30 — Nurse baby and put him down for bed

At this point (five months) my son is still waking up every two to three hours throughout the night to nurse. This could be attributed to growth spurts, or adjusting to eating bottles during the day instead of nursing; we're not sure. He typically eats three 4-ounce bottles while I'm at work, and since I make more than he can consume I've also acquired a pretty impressive freezer stash of frozen breast milk, which is available for emergencies.

Pumping at work is a real pain in the nipples.

I'm not denying it. But realistically, it's just a mildly uncomfortable thing that I'm happy to endure for the good of my child. It's a transitory part of life, and eventually mys son will outgrow his need for breast milk. At which point I will probably curse the day I ever complained, because the pain of knowing that my sweet baby can actually survive without me will cause my soul to ache.

But for now, the look on his angelic little face as he gulps down what only I can provide him reassures me that I'm doing the best I can as a working Momma. 

Back to Life, Back to Reality

 

Following Ryder's birth, I had the luxury of taking four months maternity leave, which also happened to coincide with one of Seattle's most amazing summers on record. Stewart was also able to take almost ten weeks paternity leave, so needless to say, it was a pretty magical time in our lives.

 

Adjusting to life with an infant was intense and overwhelming at times, but there was a lot of laughter in between the tears and each day with Ryder got better and better as we all got to know one another.

 

But always, looming in the distance, was that predetermined date in September when I was scheduled to return to work full time. The clock ticked down slowly but surely, and now here I am -- back to the daily grind.

 

It's been a difficult adjustment.

 

If you ask me how I'm doing, the first thing that comes to mind is I'M TIRED. I think I'm even more exhausted than I was during those first few blurry postpartum weeks. I wake at the crack of dawn to get myself and Ryder ready for the day. Then I commute an hour into the city, spend nine hours at the office, and then do the commute in reverse before arriving home in time to spend an hour, two at most, with Ryder before he goes to bed. Then I spend a few hours on dinner, household chores, and time with the hubby before inevitably passing out two pages into a book or ten minutes into a television show. Ryder subsequently proceeds to wake up every three hours throughout the night, which means I'm up for about 30 minutes each time to nurse and rock him back to sleep.

 

Lather, rinse, repeat.

 

The first full week of this almost killed me.

 

But just like everything else, we're figuring it out.

 

Daddy Day Care is going great, except for the fact that I'm so jealous I can't even see straight because Stew and Ryder get to spend their days playing together. They text me photos, and we do Facetime throughout the day, but it's obviously not the same. I'm a distracted mess at work, and I seem to have lost my ability to multitask at all. I have to leave my desk every 2.5 hours to sit in a dark little room and pump breast milk for the hungry babe waiting at home. Once the queen of overtime, I'm often late to work and march out at 5:00 each day without looking back.

And there's guilt.

I feel guilty that I can't stay at home and raise my child myself. And I feel guilty that I don't want to. I never wanted to be a stay-at-home mom, and there were days this summer that completely validated my decision. In some ways work is my refuge, a place to recharge my brain by interacting with adults and discussing subjects other than poopy diapers and spit up.

But I miss my little boy!

It's rough, but I'll get through it. This phase won't last forever, and someday I'll sleep through the night again. Plus, the time I do have with my angel baby is just that much more precious and appreciated. It makes my heart hurt, how much I love him.

 

A Surprise Shower!

Have I mentioned before that I'm OCD a planner?

 

I pride myself on being incredibly organized; I depend on calendars, checklists and schedules to bring order to the chaos that is my life. So I wouldn't generally characterize myself as someone who is a huge fan of surprises.

 

Typically when someone at our office is expecting, that person's team will plan and host a baby shower. So as the weeks went by and Baby Boy's due date loomed closer and closer, I became increasingly anxious that no one had talked to me about a date for an office baby shower. But of course I couldn't be the selfish jerk who asked about a party for myself, so I kept quiet. But I sure was wondering...

 

Finally, a few weeks ago, I gave up hope and decided that my team must have chosen to perhaps wait until the baby was born to have a shower (I've heard of this type of thing before -- a shower combined with a baby meet-and-greet). So I began bugging Stew about the fact that we needed to buy out the remainder of our baby registry. He brushed me off day after day, which was extremely frustrating!

 

Finally I found out why...

 

Stew showed up at my office about a week and a half ago at the end of the day, and somehow lured me over to a conference room on our floor. There, a group of my co-workers was waiting to throw me an absolutely lovely surprise baby shower! I definitely almost cried.

 

 

The room was filled with all my favorite people, delicious food, and absolutely gorgeous decorations. It was clear how much time and energy had been put into the whole thing, and I felt super guilty about ever questioning their intentions. The generosity was overwhelming.

 

 

The shower was such a wonderful surprise! And we received so many thoughtful, personal, and beautiful gifts. The food was delicious and it turned into an absolutely wonderful evening. I am so lucky to work for such a wonderful company with such amazing people. I really will miss them while I'm on maternity leave... but not too much!

 

Live & Learn -- Sometimes the government doesn't suck

Ugh, dreaded Tax Day is almost upon us.

 

Of course our Type A personalities forced us to file weeks ago, but I still thought the experience was worth sharing. We had prepared ourselves for an absolute nightmare...

 

Last year we decided, for the first time, to hire an accountant to file our taxes for us, since we had some complicated items like filing jointly for the first time and the sale of a home that Stew and his brothers inherited. This stuff seemed a little too complicated for Turbo Tax to handle, and we didn't want to make a mistake, so we found someone local who helped us file for a small fee.

 

Last year sucked.

 

For the first time ever we had to pay, even though for our entire working lives we were both used to getting pretty decent returns. Enough to pay for a vacation or something at least. But last year we had to pay thousands of dollars in back taxes to the IRS due to the sale of the inherited house... something about landlord taxes since it had been a rental for the prior ten years or something. That hurt.

 

Then our accountant warned us that due to changes by the Obama Administration, we should be prepared to pay that much or more this year as well.

 

Oh and the kicker... When we bought our condo in 2008, we took a government New-Home Buyer Credit of $7,500 which had to be repaid in equal payments over 15 years. Don't even get me started about the fact that a few months later new homebuyers received the same credit, but were not expected to pay it back. The point is that since we sold our condo, we were expected to pay back the entire credit on our next tax return. So that meant an additional $6,000 added to any other taxes we would owe this year.

 

Balls.

 

But resigning ourselves to what was inevitably coming, for the past year we saved and saved to make sure we could pay all our taxes without going into debt. But in the meantime, Stew did some research...

 

And this is where I found out that sometimes the government doesn't suck.

 

Apparently there is a loophole... since we sold our condo at a loss, we were not required to pay back the credit after all! And on top of that, Uncle Sam decided to throw us an additional few thousand dollars back as well!

 

We still have no idea what that accountant was talking about, but needless to say we didn't use him again, and went back to filing on our own via Turbo Tax. It was a bit of a long, complicated process, but Stew is a smart cookie and he figured it all out. And my only responsibility in the whole thing is to decide how we want to spend all that extra cash!

 

Winning!

 

 

 

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